NFL: Week 2 picks

So the biggest surprise of last week was that the Philadelphia Eagles really are that fast. I admit, I was going to type “good” instead of “fast,” but I have to wonder how sustainable that pace will be over 15 more games. At some point, some enterprising defense will figure it out. But for now? [Vader voice]: Impressive…most impressive.

My other two whiffs were in picking Pittsburgh and Tampa Bay in what appeared to be gimme games. Oops. Sure, it’s just a week into the season, but both the Steelers and Bucs seem to have a tough road ahead.

Without further ado or geekery, here’s my Week 2 picks. Again, this isn’t to be taken as anything other than good fun; don’t come crying to me should you decide, in a flash of blinding miscalculation, to actually bet on my picks. In fact, just take the money you’d bet and donate it to a worthy cause, m’kay?

NY Jets at New England: Tom Brady to Geno Smith, a la Han Solo to Luke Skywalker. “That’s great, kid. Don’t get cocky.”

St. Louis at Atlanta: Angry Birds are angry at at home. And really angry.

Carolina at Buffalo: Who doesn’t like the Bills now? Not to win all the time, but in that “chin up, kid” kind of way. They got moxie.

Minnesota at Chicago: The Vikes aren’t quite worthy of Mjolnir, despite Adrian Peterson.

Washington at Green Bay: Behold, the power of cheese.

Miami at Indianapolis: The quarterback’s name is Luck. I hope Indy drafts some kid named Fortune or Savoir-Faire to go with him.

Dallas at Kansas City: Andy Reid’s mustache smells of competence and soup. Mostly competence.

San Diego at Philadelphia: The Blur isn’t just from latter episodes of Smallville.

Cleveland at Baltimore: Angry Birds Part Two. This will not go well for the Browns.

Tennessee at Houston: I wouldn’t want to line up against the Texans’ defense, even if I were driving a Winnebago.

New Orleans at Tampa Bay: Too early to run up the white flag, but the pirate ship’s taking on water.

Detroit at Arizona: Reggie Bush is almost too cool for football. Sadly for the Cards, he does actually play football quite well.

Jacksonville at Oakland: [Vader voice]: All too easy.

Denver at NY Giants: Sorry, little brother. At least you got one more ring than he does.

San Francisco at Seattle: Kaepernick is an incarnation of Peter V. Brett’s The Warded Man, because obviously the tattoos are magic.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: The Steelers are quickly becoming tin men walking. Meanwhile, Tigger’s got claws.

Last week’s record: 12-3

Season record: 12-3

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