NFL: Week 6 picks

Now that everyone in the league has played at least four games, we can start to see some patterns emerge. For example:

  • Peyton Manning is actually Hawkeye, with that scary level of accuracy. Or a Life Model Decoy.
  • The Giants are now the Bizarro Giants, because obviously someone switched ’em. Call Superman.
  • Seemingly the only thing wrong with Kansas City is that garish shade of red they use. It’s also the shade the Imperial Guard used in Return of the Jedi.
  • The Browns really are browncoats. Just when things are looking up, they get a bad break. Keep flying.
  • I feel like I should make a Tony Romo quip here, but he really played his heart out. Next time, man.

On with the picks! (Winners in italics.)

N.Y. Giants at ChicagoHey, New Yorkers, instead of watching the game, I suggest this cat video. The laughs will be less rueful.

Cincinnati at Buffalo: This is exactly the kind of game the Bengals would lose after taking out two playoff contenders. But not this week.

Detroit at Cleveland: Tywin Lannister would not let last week’s failures go unavenged, and the injury-plagued Starks…er, Browns…are just the ticket.

Oakland at Kansas City: Andy Reid and Commissioner Gordon have the same mustache. This cannot be mere coincidence.

Carolina at Minnesota: Loki has been fiddling with the Vikings’ quarterback situation. And, lo, he laughs.

Pittsburgh at N.Y. JetsI know, I don’t believe it either, but the Jets are transforming from Monty Python to the Magnificent Seven. Except there are 52 of them. You get the idea.

Philadelphia at Tampa Bay: The Bucs would be better off with Jack Sparrow as coach.

Green Bay at Baltimore: The Angry Birds are getting some swagger back. The cheese has surprising holes in it.

St. Louis at Houston: Just the shiny opponent Houston needs to feel better about itself.

Jacksonville at Denver: This is like calling in the Avengers to handle a schoolyard fight.

Tennessee at Seattle: Even the best operating system crashes now and then. Seattle will reboot.

Arizona at San Francisco: The Niners own Warded Man will have a field day against the Cards defense.

New Orleans at New England: If this is on your TV, do not watch cat videos instead. This should be awesome. Except for Brady’s haircut. What gives?

Washington at Dallas: Seriously, Washington, change the name. Not that it’ll help you this week, but still.

Indianapolis at San Diego: San Diego may be classy, but Indy’s actually consistent and, you know, good.

Last week’s record: 9-5

Season record: 51-25

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