Seattle — what’s up? Not in terms of a “hey, how are you?” but more like “What the hell happened with you losing to the Rams?”
Those wacky trick plays were spot on and perfect, as if the Eleventh Doctor popped by in the TARDIS and whispered into Jeff Fisher’s ear. “Fake them out on the return. Give it to the other fellow. And remember, bow ties are cool. So are mustaches. Yours is lovely.”
So with the Seahawks now at 3-3 and sans Percy Harvin, we get to see what they’re really made of. They’ve cruised over the past two seasons, after all. They’re the defending Super Bowl champs. Are they like the scrappy crews of the Milano or Serenity? Or are they going to fold like the Chitauri at the end of Avengers?
Onward to the picks, to be used solely for entertainment and non-wagering purposes. Winners are in italics. Let’s go:
San Diego at Denver: The day will come when the Broncos fall, but it is not this day.
Detroit at Atlanta: The Lannisters will make this a feast of crows.
St. Louis at Kansas City: The problem with trick plays is that it’s awfully hard to repeat them again.
Houston at Tennessee: The Texans tend to make costly mistakes, but the Titans aren’t good enough to make them pay.
Minnesota at Tampa Bay: Loki’s loons vs. Jack Sparrow’s misfits. Can we watch something else?
Seattle at Carolina: The ‘Hawks are angry. Carolina won’t like them when they’re angry.
Baltimore at Cincinnati: Another “what’s up?” to the Bengals. The eye of the tiger has cataracts.
Miami at Jacksonville: The battle for Florida’s soul…well, maybe. It’s pretty much Fins country.
Chicago at New England: Seems like the last time the Patriots failed to win the division, the Headless Horseman could still comb his hair.
Buffalo at N.Y. Jets: Adding Percy Harvin to the Jets is like adding a flux converter to a DeLorean. Which…might work. Just not well.
Philadelphia at Arizona: This is actually a game well worth watching. Hold off on the Red Dwarf marathon until after.
Oakland at Cleveland: If the Browncoats can’t beat these guys, they’ve no place in this ‘Verse.
Indianapolis at Pittsburgh: The Steelers are trapped in the Mirror Universe. Can’t tell whether the good team or bad team will show up week-to-week.
Green Bay at New Orleans: I’m picking against the Saints at home. Feels weird. But the ‘Aints got problems, and not even being Under the Dome may help.
Washington at Dallas: A really bad spaghetti Western, this one. Even Gotham is better than this matchup, and I didn’t like Gotham.
Bye: The N.Y. Giants can pause and…I dunno, start researching next year’s draft. San Francisco can try to figure out how Arizona started walking away with the division.
Last week’s record: 11-4
Season record: 67-39
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Michael J. Martinez 