NFL GeekPicks: Week 2

When prognosticating as regards to the NFL, you tend to learn a lot after the first week of games. After all, your picks are based primarily on last year’s performance, leavened with a bit of training camp and preseason knowledge that may or may not be applicable. Overall, I’m pleased with last week’s record, but learned a lot. To wit:

  • Peyton Manning looks…old. Kind of like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the latest Terminator flick. Lots of balls hit the dirt. The zing on throws wasn’t there. Only a stout defense and a kicker who could likely target Boulder from Mile High saved them against the Ravens.
  • Pittsburgh’s Steel Curtain looks like it’s made of steel wool. This is a serious problem. See also: defenses in Indianapolis and Houston. Not exactly the Watchers on the Wall, you guys.
  • If Marcus Mariota can build on his impressive debut, the Titans will be contenders. He threw between defenders like bullseye-ing womp rats in his T-16 back home.

Here we go with this week’s picks. Winners in italics. 

Denver at Kansas CityThe Broncos need to do better on offense, something the Chiefs did quite well against another Tenacious D. (Cue Jack Black.)

Houston at CarolinaThis is kind of a home-field-by-default pick. Both are roughly equal. Could go either way, kind of like whether Jon Snow survived at the end of season 5.

San Francisco at PittsburghThe Steelers are better than they showed last week, but if they drop this one, the Enterprise-style klaxons will sound throughout the land.

Tampa Bay at New OrleansIf you can’t beat the padawan, how are you gonna stand up to the master?

Detroit at Minnesota: Even with Adrian Peterson back, the Vikings are a long way from Valhalla.

Arizona at Chicago: Bruce Arians will win this only because he’s just that cool. He’s the cool dad of head coaches.

New England at Buffalo: When’s the last time this was a meaningful game? Or a good one to watch? Pause your binge-watch of last seasons Doctor Who for this one.

San Diego at CincinnatiAnother home-field pick. The Bengals are fine in the regular season — it’s the playoffs where they enter their Serenity Valley.

Tennessee at Cleveland: Speaking of Browncoats…the Browns are gonna be in trouble this year. Again.

Atlanta at N.Y. Giants: You know, Eli, the stadium has play clocks and time-out markers all over the darn place. Right next to the ads for Budweiser. *shudder* I hate Budweiser.

St. Louis at Washington: You know how Ronan the Destroyer chewed the scenery in Guardians of the Galaxy? Dan Snyder wishes he could be that class of villain.

Miami at Jacksonville: So long and thanks for all the fish, Jags.

Baltimore at Oakland: Captain Phasma is trying to bring competence back to the silver-and-black look, but Oakland’s not having it.

Dallas at PhiladelphiaWith Dez out and Philly burning from a loss to Atlanta, the Cowboys bebop to a loss.

Seattle at Green BayVengeance for the playoff whiff. Aaron Rodgers is my new nominee for Terminator-like competence.

N.Y. Jets at IndianapolisI don’t yet have faith in a Jets resurgence, though there’s promise — or at least a stronger competency level than your average Stormtrooper.

Last week’s record: 11-5. And out of 13 experts here, I beat nine of ’em.

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