A point of pride: Who picked Cleveland to beat Pittsburgh last week? Yeah, that was me. Of course, I also thought the Giants could take Philly, and they got completely shut out. Some times you hit the Ewok with a rock, sometimes the Ewok hits you.
No, I don’t hit Ewoks. Who does that? Sheesh.
Jerry Jones, he of the MiB mirrorshades and Star Trek: Insurrection visage, is feeling pretty good about his Cowboys right now, and rightfully so. I’m going to find it hard to pick against America’s (alleged) Team going forward. On the flip side, at least the Jags and Raiders are predictably as bad as Roger Moore-era Bond.
Anyway, last week was road team awesomeness. This week, I think the home teams have the edge. As always, my picks are for entertainment only and you shouldn’t bet on them. All right? All right. Winners in italics. Here we go:
N.Y. Jets at New England: Watching the Jets is like watching that bad ’90s Fantastic Four movie. Train wreck comes to mind.
Atlanta at Baltimore: In the battle of Angry Birds, the Ravens have the last word. (Not, per se, “nevermore.”)
Tennessee at Washington: Do I really have to watch this? Can’t I just freebase some Torchwood episodes on Netflix?
Seattle at St. Louis: After losing a tough one at home, the Rams will provide the kind of comfortable, enjoyable afternoon usually reserved for watching Joss Whedon shows.
Cleveland at Jacksonville: I doubt this will be the Browncoats’ Serenity Valley.
Cincinnati at Indianapolis: Now this should be a good game. Hold off on working on your Halloween cosplay until after.
Minnesota at Buffalo: And lo, Asgard wept, for the Vikings must now face a stout defense. Again.
Miami at Chicago: I hate picking Chicago, because I feel like I’m not sure whether Jekyll or Hyde will show.
New Orleans at Detroit: Until Rob Ryan figures out if he has a defense or not, I can’t pick the Saints on the road. Even if the Lannisters still keep sending errant kickers to the Wall.
Carolina at Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers. Did you see that ending at Miami? Dude could hit a womp-rat in a T-16 from orbit.
Kansas City at San Diego: The Chargers escaped Oakland with a win, whereas they should’ve wedgied the Raiders and stolen their comic books. If the Bolts want to advance, they need to improve.
Arizona at Oakland: Carson Palmer really wants to wedgie the Raiders and steal their comic books.
N.Y. Giants at Dallas: Sorry, G-Men. Fool me once…
San Francisco at Denver: Take notes, Kap, you young Padawan. Check out how Master Manning uses the Force.
Houston at Pittsburgh: Total gut-check game for both teams. The winner still has a shot. The loser is next up for Cersei’s walk of shame.
Bye: Philadelphia basks in glory an extra week. Tampa Bay goes home and thinks about their lives.
Last week’s record: 11-4 (and I’m counting the tie game as a loss, because I didn’t predict a tie)
Season record: Approaching respectability at 56-35.
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Michael J. Martinez 