NFL GeekPicks: Week 12

First off, to all the readers here in the U.S., have a happy Thanksgiving! And to those overseas…well, it’s a thing we do where we’re thankful for stuff then eat ourselves silly before sitting down to watch football. It’s what the Pilgrims would’ve wanted.

In terms of football, last weekend was much more normal than the previous week. But the playoff picture is a complete mess, with a heap of 5-5 teams poised to make a push. Honestly, it’s a good thing, though it makes prognostication difficult. I once gave Jeff Bezos a Magic-8 ball (long story), and I kind of wish I had it back.

Without further ado, on with the picks. (Winners in italics.) 

Philadelphia at Detroit: I have a hard time believing that the Lannisters have suddenly gotten competent.

Carolina at Dallas: Cam Newton can dance the tango for all I care. It’s gonna be entertaining.

Chicago at Green BayThis will probably be closer than most folks think, but then, so was the destruction of the first Death Star. Tough things are usually worth doing.

Oakland at Tennessee: And lo, it’s your Netflix game of the week, wherein you watch Jessica Jones instead of this.

Buffalo at Kansas CityI kind of want the Bills to wear their “Color Rush” red outfits again. It’ll be like Santa’s elves having a smackdown.

Tampa Bay at IndianapolisMatt Hasselbeck and Adam Viniateri are giving forty-somethings a reason to hit the gym.

N.Y. Giants at Washington: This is exactly the kind of game that the Giants could easily lose. If they do, stick a fork in ’em. If not, I say they’re playoff-bound. And somewhere in Boston, Pats fans shudder.

New Orleans at HoustonDespite recruiting quarterbacks from The Force Awakens extras, the Texans’ defense is good enough to roll here.

Minnesota at Atlanta: I believe in Valhalla.

St. Louis at CincinnatiSpeaking of quarterbacks, does anybody want to play for the Rams? Anyone? Bueller?

San Diego at JacksonvilleThe Chargers must be feeling like Star Trek: Enterprise — largely forgotten.

Miami at N.Y. JetsYes, New York, you may have two winning teams this weekend.

Arizona at San Francisco: The Angry Birds are looking really, really good.

New England at Denver: I feel bad for all the knocks I’ve given Manning. It’s gotta be tough.

Baltimore at ClevelandThese two teams will be quarterbacked by Howard the Duck and Arthur Dent’s towel, respectively.

Last week’s record: A much more respectable 10-4.

Season record: 96-64, which is a bit closer now to these guys.

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