NFL: Week 4 picks

Last week is an excellent indication of why you should never follow my picks for anything other than entertainment and geek-culture references. A 9-7 record does not, in fact, make me a worthy prognosticator.

Then again, who thought the Giants would meltdown on such an epic scale? Who thought the Browns could win a game after trading their starting running back and starting their third-string quarterback? At least Denver still seems like a lock, with Peyton Manning using Jedi mind tricks to pick apart defenses on a frighteningly consistent basis.

On with the picks! (Projected winners in italics.)

San Francisco at St. Louis: If the Niners lose this one, Harbaugh will literally explode, like that guy in the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. pilot.

Baltimore at Buffalo: I think the Angry Birds are finding a rhythm. This should scare the rest of the league.

Cincinnati at Cleveland: If the Browns find a way to win this one, they should let the practice squad start and see what happens next.

Chicago at Detroit: Total toss-up here. Going with the Lannisters…er…Lions.

N.Y. Giants at Kansas City: Folks looking for consistent play from the Giants through the year could get their wish — they could be consistently bad.

Pittsburgh vs. Minnesota: London is stoked for this epic clash…of 0-3 teams. That’s OK. I don’t understand cricket, either.

Arizona at Tampa Bay: The Bucs’ ship is this close to running aground.

Indianapolis at Jacksonville: Time for the Jags to cut their losses, head north and join the Night’s Watch. They’ll take anybody.

Seattle at Houston: Should be a great game, but I think it’s time for Seattle to lose one.

N.Y. Jets at Tennessee: For all those worried about the Jets having a winning record, the universe will be put aright this weekend.

Philadelphia at Denver: Peyton Manning. The greatest Big Damn Hero since Mal & Co.

Washington at Oakland: Al Davis is in Valhalla, spilling his mead as he shouts at his team from on high.

Dallas at San Diego: Jerry Jones may think he looks like Agent Phil Coulson in those aviator shades. But he doesn’t. There’s only one Coulson. (Unless he’s now a Life Model Decoy…?)

New England at Atlanta: The Patriots could very well win this, but Atlanta needs the win more, and they’re at home.

Miami at New OrleansSean Payton is firmly back in the captain’s chair. Warp nine!

Last week’s record: 9-7

Season record: 33-14

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