NFL: Week 16 picks

It’s kind of cool that, with just two weeks to go, only four teams — Seattle, Indianapolis, Denver and Kansas City — are assured of making the playoffs. There’s a total Death Star-sized dogfight for the last wild-card slot in the AFC, and even a chance that Miami wins the AFC East. The NFC East (or Least) is up for grabs, as is the NFC North.

Even the best teams in the league — Seattle, Denver, Kansas City, New Orleans and Carolina — are still vying for division titles and home-field advantage for the playoffs. Nobody’s going to sit back and relax this week, which means we ought to have a bunch of games with serious intensity. I like it.

Without further ado, bring on the picks! (Winners in italics.)

Miami at Buffalo: So long, Bills, and thanks for all the fish.

Minnesota at CincinnatiIs it me, or are the Vikings pretty much everyone’s trap game now? Surely Loki is behind this.

Indianapolis at Kansas City: Andy Reid’s mustache is a leading contender for Coach of the Year. And Mustache of the Year.

Tampa Bay at St. LouisJack Sparrow’s Bucs will have a hard time with an actual team on the rise.

Cleveland at N.Y. Jets: Honestly, this could go either way. And there are still like eight Jets fans who care.

Dallas at Washington: If the Cowboys drop this one, Jerry Jones will fry his coach with eye beams. You know he has eye beams.

New Orleans at CarolinaThe Panthers are starting to feel like a Team of Destiny (TM).

Tennessee at Jacksonville: I really want the Jags to win, much in the same way I keep wishing Firefly would come back.

Denver at Houston: You know how, on Doctor Who, the Daleks are built up to be these fearsome war machines, but then they show up and you can’t help but giggle? And the Doctor wins anyway? That’s the Texans’ year in a nutshell.

N.Y. Giants at Detroit: Hello, Giants. Welcome to your Red Wedding.

Arizona at Seattle: The ‘Hawks are the Angriest Birds of them all.

Pittsburgh at Green BayA clash of former kings, now struggling.

Oakland at San Diego: I still want to believe the Chargers will make the playoffs, but Miami has to stumble first.

New England at Baltimore: Tom Brady is now looking into the accident that created the Flash, so that he can throw the ball, then go catch it himself.

Chicago at PhiladelphiaProbably the best Sunday game we’ll see for a while.

Atlanta at San FranciscoRemember the guy on Raiders of the Lost Ark whose head exploded? That’s what will happen to Jim Harbaugh if his team drops this one. I can see his neck veins pulsing now. *shudder*

Last week’s record: 9-7

Season record: 143-80 (Better than all but two of these guys. Still waiting for that call, ESPN.)

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