Well, heck, the NFL is just getting weird.
The Patriots lost to the Chiefs last week, while Tampa Bay pulled out an improbable victory over the Steelers thanks to some last-minute heroics reminiscent of Luke Skywalker at the Death Star. San Francisco remembered how to play football, too; perhaps they got a download from the Matrix.
Anyway, that doesn’t leave my pick record in great shape, but that’s fine — this is for my amusement, and hopefully yours, nothing more.
Onward to glory! And remember, I’m not good at this, so don’t base wagers on my picks. That way lies madness.
Minnesota at Green Bay: The Vikings do not, in fact, possess the power of Thor.
Chicago at Carolina: Can the Panthers get a speedy wideout? The Flash or Quicksilver, perhaps?
Cleveland at Tennessee: That’s right, I’m picking the Browncoats. It’ll go over better than battling the Alliance.
St. Louis at Philadelphia: Just what the Eagles need after losing to the Niners — a team whose defense has more wormholes than spacetime.
Atlanta at N.Y. Giants: Again, picking the Giants this season seems counter-intuitive, but the Angry Birds are off target these days.
Tampa Bay at New Orleans: The Saints happily return Under the Dome to bisect the Bucs.
Houston at Dallas: Are the Cowboys actually this good? Did someone use the TARDIS to bring back Roger Staubach?
Buffalo at Detroit: The Lannisters are looking to repay some debts.
Baltimore at Indianapolis: The Ravens are good, but the Colts at home are better. Still, worth putting off your Battlestar Galactica re-watch to catch this game.
Pittsburgh at Jacksonville: Can the Empire be bested by Ewoks for a second straight week? Nope.
Arizona at Denver: Peyton Manning is part cyborg. It’s the only explanation.
Kansas City at San Francisco: Both teams have more question marks than the Seventh Doctor’s sweater.
N.Y. Jets at San Diego: The Jets are like vintage ’80s Starscream — lots of talk, little competency.
Cincinnati at New England: Another pick I’m surprised to make, but the Tygers will burn bright.
Seattle at Washington: And lo, another Washington season crashes and burns like the Enterprise-D at the end of Star Trek: Generations.
Bye: Oakland and Miami. Which is probably for the best on both counts.
Last week’s record: 6-7
Season record: 33-28