I’m finally back in the greater New York City area after eight days on the West Coast, and despite the snow and cold that greeted me upon arrival, I’m glad to be home. And that means I can get this post done before the Thursday night game.
So you know how I said last week it’s officially panic time? There are definitely a few teams that were too busy playing Minecraft or binge-watching Red Dwarf to pay attention. Yes, I’m looking at you Cleveland, New Orleans, San Diego and especially San Francisco.
Niners…you lost to Oakland. Huge game, one you should’ve won, Bay Area bragging rights on the line — and you didn’t even show up. Granted, the traffic in the Bay Area is atrocious — worse than LA or NYC — and you might have stopped for coffee and fine SF/F novels at Borderlands Books on the way. Can’t blame you there. But still, that’s absolutely unconscionable. And it’s just going to get worse now.
Now that I’ve taken SF to task, on with this week’s picks! (Winners in italics.)
Arizona at St. Louis: I kind of love that St. Louis is getting hot and playing well. It’s like they want to be the scrappy Rebel Alliance facing the Empire. Won’t get them in the playoffs this year, but I like it.
Pittsburgh at Atlanta: Danger, Will Robinson! The Steelers often play down to their competition. But can they get this low?
Washington at N.Y. Giants: Do we really need to watch the NFC East cellar dwellers duke it out? Can’t we just have a different game on instead? Why do you torture us so, NFL?
Miami at New England: It’s like a rugby match between Betazeds and Klingons.
Oakland at Kansas City: I cannot, in good conscience, believe the Raiders can win two in a row.
Houston at Indianapolis: The Colts proved last week they can still win even when they’re not at their freshest.
Jacksonville at Baltimore: The Angry Birds are more than capable of knocking down the Jags.
Green Bay at Buffalo: Another scrappy team doomed to fail, sadly. My first in-person NFL game was in Buffalo, and I’ll always have a soft spot for ’em. But…no.
Tampa Bay at Carolina: Could go either way with Cam Newton out, but the drunken Jack Sparrows aren’t exactly quality opponents of late.
Cincinnati at Cleveland: Again, I’m rooting so hard for the Browncoats, even with Manziel at QB. But I don’t see it happening.
N.Y. Jets at Tennessee: Let’s give Rex Ryan one more win before he gets served, shall we? Because if he loses here, might as well show him the door after the game.
Denver at San Diego: A heartbreaker against New England last week. Now this. It’s like they cancelled Firefly all over again.
Minnesota at Detroit: The Lannisters pay their debts once more.
San Francisco at Seattle: This should’ve been a premier matchup. It is not.
Dallas at Philadelphia: This is much closer to a premier matchup.
New Orleans at Chicago: The Saints need to march all over the Bears if they want to stay alive for the playoffs. The fact that the NFC South gets to send a team to the playoffs is kind of travesty, by the way.
Last week’s record: 13-3
Season record: 136-70
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Michael J. Martinez 